our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
