So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
