She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
