He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
