Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
