You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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