..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cannot find my penis.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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