can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
