Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
