I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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