omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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