she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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