I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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