there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
