Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
