i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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