wanna go halves on a baby?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
