there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
