Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
