K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
