Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
