Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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