Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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