i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
