Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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