remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
