maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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