He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
