I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
