I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can I color on your dick again?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
