Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
