Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
