but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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