Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This house was built for laser tag.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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