So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
