Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
