You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
