just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Couch. On fire.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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