I'm going to jail i love you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
