Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
