She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
