i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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