I got chris browned last night
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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