She is in my trunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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