New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize