I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize