So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
