There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
