brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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