I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize