Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
