How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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