Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
