I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize