do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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