Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
