Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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