onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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