im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize