Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
