My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
