Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
