He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
