so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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