tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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