I need to stop coming to work sober
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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