how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
