would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize