it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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