We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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