Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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