It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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