And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
