i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
