After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
