does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
