i may or may not be watching the land before time
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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