a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
